Thursday, July 30, 2020
Remember when you were little and you used to play Peek-a-boo? Or maybe you still do with your children or grandchildren. You know how it goes...covering your face with your hands you exclaim, Peek-a-boo, I see you! as you slowly remove your hands from your face. That's when your delighted child can see your big, adoring smile. I see you!
Well, it seems that's the game I've been playing these days. Except with God. I've been waiting and watching and expecting that at any moment He will remove His hands from His face and I will see Him again, smiling down at me. I see you!
Like you, I've been sideswiped by this Covid thing...days and weeks and months all blend together...an endless litany of hopes being raised and dashed. And this through the planning of two weddings and all that meant to us. I feel like we're living the title of Alvin Plantinga's book, Not the Way It's Supposed to Be.
To be fair, we have not suffered through this time, nor have we paid a tragically high price like others have. My heart and prayers go out to those who have. Yes, we've given up some things, sacrificed some things, and tried to make sense of this new world we've been thrown into. But in spite of that, I do still, at times, find myself acting like a self-centered child, stomping my feet and whining and gazing longingly into the past with a sense of entitlement. Like they say, you don't know what you got til it's gone.
This 'forced isolation' has brought about something I never expected, nor honestly wanted...face-to-face time with myself. As an introvert, I do spend a lot of time with myself. I know only too well my good, bad, and ugly. But in the past, when it got too hard, I could avoid dealing with my good, bad, and ugly because, heaven knows, I could keep busy! But now how much running away can you do when there's nowhere to run? No classes or studies or events to attend? When busyness happens only within a 2 acre lot with your husband, dog, chickens and guinea pig?
I feel like I'm in a major Time Out...like when you were little and your parents knew you needed to spend some quiet time alone...hopefully to see that something in you needed to change. Those were never fun times because it seemed that while everyone else was carrying on as before, you were being set aside...and even forgotten if your parents got too busy to remember you!
Hello God? Anyone there? Remember me? I know I really don't matter much and that what's on my heart and in my life right now...in light of all that's going on this world...isn't of much importance, but I want to come out. Because I'm scared that you may have forgotten me. I know I'm not anyone great, or famous, or important...it's just me. Waiting for you to remember me...to see me.
I have lived with this heart-cry for the past five months, not understanding how wrong I was...
Until we watched The Chosen. And there I fell in love with a God who wasn't this far-off, far-out, World-Leader who spent His time deciding who or what was most important to work with, using what limited time and energy He had...a God who was so busy with the Big Things that he had no time for the Little Things. Like me.
And what made me understand that were three little words...Season One, Episode Eight...
I see you.
During this scene, Jesus was talking to Peter's wife...a woman who was being left behind to care for not only her sick mother, but to run the home while her husband left to follow the Messiah. Alone...doing the same thing, day after day after day...for who knew how long. Unnoticed and unimpressive. I have this feeling if it were me, I'd be thinking something like, Heck! I need to suck it up. Peter's what's important here. I have to do this. I'll never let him or anyone know the price I will be paying or how hard this is for me. I can do it!
But Jesus comes to her, and sees her...inside and out...and basically said to her...my paraphrase... Oh no you don't! Yes, Peter is important, but so are you! You are valuable and you have a role to play in all of this which is no less than Peter's. I know the price you are paying. I see you. And of course she cries because who wouldn't when they realize they are not forgotten or overlooked?
And yes, I cried also.
What does this look like in your life?
I see you when you are so tired you would rather curl up in a ball and keep sleeping than to get on with a day full of the same thing over and over and over again.
I see you when you tried so hard but you still didn't get it right. And you wonder if you ever will.
I see you when this thing facing you looks like Goliath but you can't run...you have to face him.
I see you when you sob on the inside but smile on the outside.
I see you.
El Roi...The God who sees.
Though it may often feel like it, He hasn't missed a thing...in my life or in your life or in the world. Unlike Peter's wife, He won't show up in flesh and blood to tell us so...more often He lets us know He sees us when...
-We meet someone who has a kind or encouraging word or book or blog that lights up our soul again...
-We read something that connects the dots and we sigh with relief...
-We see something beautiful that takes our breath away and we cry because we remember we are going Home someday and this is not all there is...
-And a million other ways. He sees us. He knows our needs. and He provides.
Most of us will live quiet, unexciting lives...never seen by more than a few. Like Peter's wife. Our culture, however, places a high value on being seen...it encourages us to grab the spotlight and get out there so we can get the praise and recognition we deserve. Having known some prominent people, let me say that it's not what's going on on the outside, it's the heartbeat and mindset on the inside that God sees and blesses.
And out of a heart that beats for God, and a mind set on Him, comes something beautiful.
Dear one, remember this...when you are alone and the world feels too big and you wonder how to keep on going...
You are not alone! He sees every fear, every tear, every hope and every dream you carry. You are passionately and dearly loved.
You are known,
You are seen.
Now go watch The Chosen. You will be blessed. I promise.
If you want another blessing, put this into your search bar...my page won't let me upload it but trust me, it is a gift . ❤