Not life. Blogging.
On days like today I wonder...is it worth it?
Questions pop through my mind like popcorn in a hot air popper. Is anyone reading it? Does it make a difference in anyone's life? What ever made me think I have anything to say? It's all been said before. Somewhere. Someplace. By someone who can handle words infinitely better than I.
The world will go on if I never strike another keyboard key.
Pity party? Maybe.
Or maybe something deeper, something I need at times...the doubts and discouragement that God allows into my life to drive me back to Him. To realign my vision, to forge a deeper trust and faith in Him. And not myself.
As a frail, weak-kneed human, it's so easy to forget why I do what I do...in this case, blogging.
I can grow weary. Disillusioned. Unsettled. And that's when doubts and discouragement can set in.
Like wheels on a car that have hit too many curbs, I begin to wobble.
I need to be realigned.
In the past, like any tried and true New Englander, I would have picked myself up by my bootstraps and pressed on.
Until the day came I was too tired to even bend over and find those infamous bootstraps.
That's when God showed me that doubts and discouragement can be tools in His hands, if only I will see them that way...as opportunities to search my heart and try my motives.
To see if I am still on His track and in His will.
And if I am, to recommit myself to Him, renewed and strengthened to press on in His power.
And that brings me back to this blogging thing.
Why do I blog?
Several years ago, when God and I were spending a lot of time together wandering in the Wilderness, He planted the desire to blog into my dry and barren heart.
Three years later, He finally allowed that desire to break ground and come forth...with a purpose I never could have seen back then.
You see, this blog isn't written only to bless and encourage others, though I am so thankful if it does.
And it's not just a way to be faithful in using the gifts He has given me, though that brings me great joy.
No, there's another, stronger, what-my-heart-beats-for purpose. He's known it all along, but it's only recently that I've come to understand it...