Not life. Blogging.
On days like today I wonder...is it worth it?
Questions pop through my mind like popcorn in a hot air popper. Is anyone reading it? Does it make a difference in anyone's life? What ever made me think I have anything to say? It's all been said before. Somewhere. Someplace. By someone who can handle words infinitely better than I.
The world will go on if I never strike another keyboard key.
Pity party? Maybe.
Or maybe something deeper, something I need at times...the doubts and discouragement that God allows into my life to drive me back to Him. To realign my vision, to forge a deeper trust and faith in Him. And not myself.
As a frail, weak-kneed human, it's so easy to forget why I do what I do...in this case, blogging.
I can grow weary. Disillusioned. Unsettled. And that's when doubts and discouragement can set in.
Like wheels on a car that have hit too many curbs, I begin to wobble.
I need to be realigned.
In the past, like any tried and true New Englander, I would have picked myself up by my bootstraps and pressed on.
Until the day came I was too tired to even bend over and find those infamous bootstraps.
That's when God showed me that doubts and discouragement can be tools in His hands, if only I will see them that way...as opportunities to search my heart and try my motives.
To see if I am still on His track and in His will.
And if I am, to recommit myself to Him, renewed and strengthened to press on in His power.
And that brings me back to this blogging thing.
Why do I blog?
Several years ago, when God and I were spending a lot of time together wandering in the Wilderness, He planted the desire to blog into my dry and barren heart.
Three years later, He finally allowed that desire to break ground and come forth...with a purpose I never could have seen back then.
You see, this blog isn't written only to bless and encourage others, though I am so thankful if it does.
And it's not just a way to be faithful in using the gifts He has given me, though that brings me great joy.
No, there's another, stronger, what-my-heart-beats-for purpose. He's known it all along, but it's only recently that I've come to understand it...
I write for my greatest earthly treasure...my family.
That's why I blog. Because I'm not going to be here forever.
Like Paul said to Timothy, I want it to be said of my children and grandchildren...
"I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. And I know that same faith continues strong in you." 2Timothy 1:5,
I want my faith, the life lessons I've learned, the mistakes I've made, to keep on speaking Truth and blessing and encouragement into my children and grandchildren long after I'm gone. There is no greater inheritance that I can give them.
I stumbled upon this nugget the other day...
"It was then disclosed to them (the Prophets) that the services they were rendering were not meant for themselves and their period of time, but for you..." 1Peter1:12a
I believe this is something we need to hold near and dear to our hearts...that what we do now is not always for us...it may be for the future and for those who will follow us.
So, how about you? Why are you doing what you are doing? What is your motivation? Your God-given vision?
What does your heart beat for?
If it seems you are not seeing fruit...no matter how hard you labor...
If nothing is changing and you feel you are just plodding on... with discouragement and doubt nipping at your heals...
Please don't give up. Press on! Be encouraged!
It may be that you will spend your lifetime planting and watering...faithfully...in hope and expectation...
And that someday, someone you love and care for will reap the blessing...
Of your well-lived, faithful life.