Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Feeling like a punching bag? Up and down...up and down...

I can't remember the last time I wrote a blog. And since I'm too tired to look it up, let's just say it's been awhile.

Realizing that, I have two choices- don't write one and fade off into the sunset, or get back in the saddle and let 'er rip. Talk about mixed metaphors!

I'm not thinking I'm going to let anything "rip" today...that takes too much energy...a precious commodity to me at this point. Instead I shall burble a bit, watch the birds a little, burble a bit more, follow a butterfly's flight, carry on with the burbling, and so on and so forth and see what comes forth. Such is my creative curve today!

I would love to have you join me on my flower-festooned deck this cool and breezy morning. As it is, I see my  reflection in the computer screen and not your lovely and much-welcomed face. So I shall flit through the friend list in my mind, and picture you with me...drinking a cup of whatever brings you joy...and commenting on my burbles as I ramble. I think that will work nicely!

So, what has brought me back to the land of the living, you may ask? Valid question! Have you ever been so busy that in the midst of it all you realize you are missing something? Something important to you? Something that got pushed to the side as you plowed through the daily grind, as you tried to "keep it together, man"? Something that gives life rather than drains it?

Well, that is writing for me. It's cathartic. Creative. And in a strange way it connects me to you, as limited as it may be for fostering closeness and connection.

What is that for you? How do you get energized, refilled, realigned when the craziness of life threatens to topple you?

Remember those knock-em-over inflatable toys we had as a child? The ones that were sand weighted and no matter how hard you punched it, it always came back up? Well, that's how life can feel at life is punching and laughing as we are kept in a perpetual state of being knocked down and popped back up again.

And it can be ever so tiring, this going up and down in constant motion...not being able to focus or rest or get your balance back.

And sometimes, what's even worse, is it feels like it's God allowing the punching! I mean seriously, I can understand the world and its lovely inhabitants throwing a left and a right, but God?

So what's a person to do? Run for the hills? Hide so they can't find you? Binge watch Downton Abbey with a bag of chocolates? Well, yeah, definitely the last choice!

I came across an idea this morning that seems like the perfect answer to this dilemma, though I am a ways from making it my own. Let's just say at this point I am dancing around it warily, wondering how prickly it will be if I decide to embrace it...

"Consider the most difficult, annoying people in our lives as "Grace-Builders". 

How Pollyanish is that, I ask you? It feels like I'm putting cream cheese frosting on a moldy cake. That no matter how hard I try to cover it up, the cake is still rotten and I don't want to eat it!

Me? Personally, I would not label the punchers "Grace-Builders" but "Idiots-In-Need-Of-Justice" or some such loving thing. Sigh.

I'm sure you never feel like that.

It's obvious I need an attitude realignment. Alas, I am of the kind that when my body wears down, my spirit does also. It's still hard to accept that I am fragile and weak and vulnerable and not the Super Woman I was groomed to be growing up.

I'm not sure how I got to this point of exhaustion and disillusionment and anger, but I can make a choice to start from where I am right now, and ask...even with skepticism...that God help me to see the Grace-Builders in my life as blessings and not curses. Sent on a mission for good, and not evil.

I haven't the foggiest notion how this is going to pan out...but I'm willing. And for sure God is more than able to help me flesh it out. I'm thinking it's not going to be so much a "I-shall-stare-at-you-and-think-positive-nice-thoughts-about-how-you-are-building-grace-into-my-life" kind of thing.

But rather a moment by moment, instance by instance, supernaturally empowered act involving prayer, conversation, and, at times, even confrontation. Perhaps a little growing pain. Mixed with honesty, openness, and love. Of course.

So this is my encouragement to all you who are weary...of whatever...not to quit. Well, yes, for Heaven's sake quit being a punching bag to life and those not so inclined to wisdom who inhabit it.

Sometimes the hardest step is the first one. Just recognizing that something is wrong...and that we are sick and tired of it...and that something needs to all it takes to set us on the road to healing and restoration.

And that's where I'm heading today. It's a journey long overdue and oh so needed...for my sake and the sake of those around me. Care to come with me? The journey is always so much easier...and fun... when we travel together.

You are loved, my friend! Shine on!


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