The desperately needed gift of Hope

I woke up this morning thinking, I can't do this.

I'm weary and tired and frustrated and ready to run.

I can't dance any faster and yet the music keeps playing...day after day after day.

No matter how hard I try, I can't rise above the feelings of despair...and that if I just tried harder I could outrun the issues that are sucking the life out of me right now.

Have you ever felt like that?

Like no matter how hard you try, it's just not working?

By wiring and nature I am a Helper. God knows I wish I wasn't. Because I spend a lot of my time investing in other people and causes. Because I care. I truly do.

But what about when others around you aren't Helpers? When they are on their own fast track to who-knows-where and the rush of their speed going past you blows you aside and leaves you struggling to regain your balance?

Helpers have a major weakness. Well, more than one, but let's talk about just the one today...

We are good at taking care of everyone and everything else...

But we don't help ourselves.

When things go wrong, instead of realizing we can't control others or their choices, we wonder what we could have done differently.

We internalize other people's pain deeply and want to carry it for them, instead of letting go and allowing them to learn...often the hard way...the necessary way...the lessons that can only come  through pain and bad choices.

When Helpers are in an unhealthy situation...be it at work or at church or wherever...we absorb the negativity, thinking we'll dump it later. But we rarely do.

Helpers can be a mess.

And that's why sometimes it can feel so hope-less.

And so heavy.

And so heart-breaking.

And that's how I woke up this morning.

I needed a kind word...an encouraging word...someone to get off their own fast track and notice that I was being sucked under the train wheels.

All I could see was a day of NEEDS. I wanted to roll over and hide...or get on a plane to AZ.

But that's not what Helpers do!

I could hear the pitter-patter of little doggy feet out in the hallway, eagerly awaiting my arrival...

Birds chattering outside the bedroom window...wondering why I had left them no food on such a cold morning...

And minutes ticking by that needed to be filled with all that was ahead on this pre-Christmas day when work was looming in late afternoon.

Well, you get it.

So up I arose...all the while crying out desperately for strength to keep-on-keeping-on for just one more day.

And then something amazing happened...a miracle!

I was in the laundry room, shifting over the load I had left late last night, when I opened the dryer door and found...of all things...

A note!!

I did a double take. No, it was real!

As I read it I started to cry. It had been so long since someone noticed me...said an encouraging word...thanked me.

I'm going to frame this note.

Because I realized, in that life-giving, life-renewing instant, the power of a kind word.

It took my husband probably 30 seconds to write out the note, but it changed my whole day...

And gave hope where there was none.

And that's a gift I think we all need... and can share....this Christmas season:

Hope.

This is supposed to be the MOST wonderful time of the year. But for many, it isn't.

They are dealing with not only their losses and fears and daily struggles, but also the expectations and needs that this season brings.

It can feel so hope-less.

But dear ones, this is where we come in!

What if today we give the Gift of Noticing?

The Gift of A Kind Word?

The Gift of Thanks?

The Gift of Time?

It may take only 30 seconds to save a person's life...figuratively or literally.

I promise you, there is no greater gift you can buy.

I know.

Because I just received it.

Sharks, jellyfish, and a baby in a manger

So, I think I'm getting a little insight into why the nativity/baby thing I talked about in my last blog weighs heavily upon me.

It happened this morning as I was thinking of all the things I needed to do today: a deadline to meet, cards to write out, issues that need to be dealt with, etc, etc, etc.

It was one of those, Lord, if you don't give me the strength, ain't none of this gonna to happen today moments.

And that's when the angels sang and the clouds departed and I got a glimpse into this struggle I've been having. The truth is...

I don't need a baby to get me through every day.

I need a strong man who's in control of everything.

Don't get me wrong, babies are fine. For a while. But I don't know anyone who wants their baby to stay a baby. They are needy and helpless and in spite of their being adorable beyond words, they just can't do much for themselves. Much less help you out!

And Lord knows I've needed a lot of help this year!

And this leads me to the main point of this blog...one that it has taken me a lifetime to embrace...

Stop Coming and Come!

So, I've been thinking...

About the upcoming Advent season. And all it means. And why every year I struggle with its arrival...warily eyeing it as it draws closer and closer...

All the while wondering if there is something wrong with me.

Because it confounds and puzzles me.

I must own a dozen or more Advent devotionals. I have an Advent wreath and candles.

But every year, about this time, I hit a wall. I find myself chafing and restless to get beyond it.

And then I feel guilty because seriously, what kind of person doesn't do Advent?

Well, today it dawned on me what's going on. And it all boils down to the difference between Coming and Come.

I don't know about you, but when I have company Coming, it's full speed ahead: the house gets cleaned, the fridge stocked, everything is put in order. I work hard to make my home a place that will be comfortable and welcoming. It's my way of saying, You are special to me and I'm so glad you are here!

And whether I meet them at the airport or watch eagerly for the headlights coming down the driveway, there's a sense of expectancy and joy that comes with knowing I've done my part and now I can relax and enjoy my long awaited loved ones.

But once they have Come it's a whole different story. Gone is any semblance of order! The house is in chaos: couches piled high with stuffed animals and cuddly blankets...coats and sneakers everywhere...books and games and craft materials cover all flat surfaces.

And I love it! It's comfortable and real and alive!

It's the natural outcome of what I worked so hard for...

Time to be with the ones I love...to relax and make memories and share from our hearts.

And this, dear ones, is my question...the one I am finally asking...bravely asking...

Because I really want to know!

Why spend a whole month preparing for the Coming, when the Guest has already Come?

It's like when you celebrate a grandchild's birthday. You don't go back and concentrate on the happenings of the birth and all it entailed. No, you embrace the child where he or she is NOW...the glorious fact that they are alive and with you.

I wonder...is there some ingrained part of me that unconsciously thinks I have to spend a whole month preparing for the Guest who is already here?

If that's true, then it's no surprise I get tired just thinking about it! I can keep the preparation pace up for a week or so, but after that I'm done and done in!

So what I want to know is, why can't I just celebrate the Living Christ...the One who has already stepped into this world and who is now walking and talking with me every minute of every day?

Christ with me and in me...my Living Hope...

The One to Whom I say Thank You...every day...with all my heart. Because without Him I seriously doubt I'd still be here.

A whole month of praise and worship and adoration to my Lord!

Bring it on!

So this is where you come in dear friends...can you tell me...because I really want to know...

How do you put your head around the truth that He isn't Coming year after year after year...

But that He has already Come? Emmanuel. God with us!

What does that mean to you? How do you live it out? Appropriate it?

I know this is a different blog post. Think of it more as a phone call between friends where there's give and take and talk from the heart...me and you sharing and encouraging one another!

I'd love to hear from you! Your words would be an encouragement and blessing to me.

And while I wait to hear from you, may I share this prayer?

Father, I pray that the Light of Your Love will always shine in our hearts...and through us to those around us who, in spite of the many lights glowing around them this time of year, still walk in darkness. May we always marvel at your great love for us, 

and may your love transform us and touch all those we encounter. 

We love you, Father.

 Amen!

photo credit: wuestenigel <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/44879073425">Spray and cloth cleaning for cleaning the house</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

Yes, He IS leading us...all the way!

This morning I have a choice: to head outside where it's damp and cold to get some planting done or stay inside where the fire is going, the coffee is handy, and I can keep one eye on the new Nutsie feeder I just put up this morning. (I have a thing about seeing how long it takes the birds to find it...half an hour and counting so far...waiting..waiting...)

Hands down, inside is the way to go this morning. And besides, I get to spend time with you!

I missed October. Not as in, so sorry to see it go. No, I never even saw it come! But I know it must have because I had to turn the calendar over the other day to write down an appointment and realized, by gosh, that I never even got to enjoy Bastien's calendar picture for that month!

And this is unusual for me. For the last several years...five to be exact...I have had more time on my hands than I knew what to do with.  Courtesy of God. I chafed and complained and moaned and groaned that surely there was something more I could do with my life than wait on God. Silly, right?

Like it's been said, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

On good days, when I had things to keep me occupied, I would exclaim, How does anyone ever have time to work?

On bad days, I'd cry in my pretzels on how life was passing me by, and Seriously, why are You holding me captive?

For the like of me, I don't know why God finally remembered me...or was done with me...or had mercy on me...but this past month He finally said, Go. And with great trepidation I applied...one more time...for a job. At a birding store. Because I love birds and birding and all things nature.

When the owner called and told me I had the job, I literally cried. (Yes, I cry a lot.) I was not forgotten! God did see me here waiting all those years. And look at what He gave me! I couldn't imagine working anywhere else and being any happier.

And that's when it got interesting...

Where you are, that is home

This is a story for everyone, even if you don't have a dog.

Because it's a rescue story.

And all of us have been rescued.

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Prissy burst into my well-ordered life two weeks ago...unexpectedly...

Popping up first in Facebook Messenger as a photo...a bedraggled looking, wide-eyed, white fluff ball...

With the words, "Do you want her?" below the picture.

My first thought was, I knew being friends with a rescuer would get me in trouble. 

My second? Ted is going to kill me.

But it was too late, I was already undone. So I spent the rest of the day working Priscilla into all our conversations...holding up her ragamuffin picture in front of Ted's face over and over again and expounding the virtues of a small dog and why she needed me. I mean...us.

Poor guy, he never stood a chance.

Much like the onset of labor, her arrival didn't come at the most convenient time. I was on my way to the airport the following morning to pick up my sister when the message came in: You need to get her. Today.

So we did. And thus Prissy bounced her way into our hearts and lives...during a month that was way too full already with commitments: a wedding, a funeral, and new job training.

Like a mother forced to leave her child in day care, I felt guilty each time I said goodbye and closed the door behind me. How would she ever adjust with so much chaos and change? I repeatedly asked myself.

But she didn't seem to care. Every time we returned from a trip...be it to the store or another state...she would fling herself into my arms and smother me with kisses, her little body trembling with joy.

I was falling hopelessly in love with her.  It wasn't long before I realized that she didn't just need me...I needed her.

And that's why what happened next was so hard....

You can be courageous...just as you are!

I started this blog yesterday, when I was under pressure to get to my job training. With one eye on the clock I finally had to set it aside, realizing that by doing so it would probably fall into the Abyss of Unfinished Blogs....where many blogs go to die, for many years ago the Lord told me to never feed stale bread.

But today, even with everything that needs to be done before my sister flies in tomorrow, I feel like it's not yet stale and is begging to be finished. I'll let you decide if it was worth resurrecting it...

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First I need you to read this quote. No cheating! I know it's a lot of words but I have faith in you!

"Anyone who has ever stood up for the truth of human dignity, no matter how disfigured, only to find supportive friends holding back, even remonstrating with you for your boldness, feels the loneliness of the poverty of uniqueness. This happens every day to those who choose to suffer for the absolute voice of conscience, even in what seem to be small matters. They find themselves standing alone.

I have yet to meet the man or woman who enjoys such responsibility.

"The measure of our depth-awareness of Christ's present risenness is our capacity to stand up for the truth and sustain the disapproval of significant others. An increasing passion for truth evokes a growing indifference to public opinion and to what people say or think. We can no longer drift with the crowd or echo the opinions of others. The inner voice, "Take courage. It is I. Do not be afraid," assures that our security rests in having no security. When we stand on our own two feet and claim responsibility for our unique self, we are growing in personal autonomy, fortitude, and freedom from the bondage of human approval." Abba's Child-Brennan Manning

The Poverty of Uniqueness. What is that you may ask? It's the call of Jesus to stand utterly alone when the only alternative is to cut a deal at the price of one's integrity.

It's the courageous determination to make unpopular decisions that are expressive of the truth of who we are...not who we think we should be or who someone else wants us to be.

Have you ever struggled with people pleasing? I have. I have spent most of my life not even realizing that I was doing it.

I think we're all born with an innate desire to want to be the very best we can be...to be all others want us to be....to make people happy.

And that's fine when you're two years old, but not so fine when you're 40 or 50 or 60.

Remember those middle school dances? Those excrutiatingly painful middle school dances? When you pressed yourself against the gym wall, convinced that if you made yourself invisible it wouldn't hurt so much when no one asked you to dance?

It was just you, in all your adolescent clumsiness...wanting to be noticed...wanting to be picked...wanting to be chosen. But later, when all was said and done and the lights were out and you were sitting in the back of your parent's car, you knew you weren't enough.

And thus begins the dance...not with another person, but with yourself.

I can't remember the split second in time that I chose to let go of the Real Me and embrace the Me I Felt I Should Be. Maybe because I remember so strongly that middle school dance that it was then.

Or maybe it wasn't even one choice...maybe it was a thousand and one choices I made in response to the culture and my family and my friends. All I knew was that everyone was dancing and I wanted to be on the floor also...not a forever wallflower.

So for years I compromised and watched and imitated...morphing into someone that others approved of. But no matter how much effort I put into it, I always fell short. And I was getting so very tired. All I wanted to do was stop. And rest.

So this is what a treasure looks like?

Have you ever prayed something...or promised something...or declared something and later thought, What was I thinking???

You know, those moments of impulsivity when you are so touched...or deranged...that out it comes...

Oh, I'd LOVE to do that! Or...

No problem! Or...

Anything, Lord, anything!

Yeah, I have too.

I was thinking about that this morning as I was lying back on my Lazy Boy, watching the Cardinal pry open his sunflower seed breakfast...

Achy and oh so tired.

I love the reason that I am so tired...four days with the kids and grands. But I hate that my body betrays my heart.

You see, I have an auto-immune disease. It doesn't define me, but it sure does affect me.

I'm slowly learning to read my body...no longer running roughshod over what it's saying to achieve in a day whatever I deem is most important.

I'm slowly learning that what I think is necessary...and what God thinks is necessary...are often at odds with one another.

I see the piles of laundry and the unpacked boxes and the gardens that need to be restored after the hurricane and the upcoming meetings and this and that and this and that all looming larger than life...

And I sigh.

And then I feel the anger creeping in...anger that my body betrays me and forces me to rest and recover when I long to be getting things done...accomplishing my goals. So much to do and so little time!

You get the idea.

Anyway, I was reading this morning in Abba's Child about the parable of the farmer who, plowing his field, found a treasure of great price...so great, that he went and sold all that he had to buy the field. I love how Buechner tells stories...

So as I was lying there, watching said Cardinal, I was ruminating over the parable...What was the treasure in my life that was so great that I would be willing to sell all that I possessed to keep it?