For the last week or so I have had the rumblings of a blog inside my head, which has been encouraging. I've started one several times over the last few months, but each time I ended up closing the cover on my computer and walking away. I blame my lack of success on mashed potatoes, for I feel that is what my brain has become.
Before Covid, all the neurons were firing as they should (hopefully). I wasn't forgetting things as much, and I could carry a thought from beginning to end without hesitation (most times). And I especially wasn't garbling my words, struggling to express my thoughts into clear concise sentences. It would be hilarious if it weren't so ridiculous. So I let my blog go...
The fact that there hasn't been a blog in months speaks volumes. If I'm not hearing from God, you're not hearing from me.
But recently I noticed some activity on my blog site. I wondered, Is this another person whose brain has also become mashed potatoes and they don't realize they are reading the same old blogs over and over again? Or has someone new found my blog, and it's only a matter of time until they discover that's all there is, and there ain't no more?
And this concerned me...
Being stuck at home for most of the past year, I have had the opportunity to get better acquainted with myself. After all, there weren't places to run to and keep busy with...meetings and clubs and get-togethers were non-existent...church became virtual front pew...and relationships morphed into online chats. Introvert that I am, I really didn't think it would be that hard. But I was wrong. I need people more than I like to admit.
Which is why yesterday I spent three hours on the phone with my sister. We did our typical complaining and criticizing, encouraging and dreaming...and challenging, which is probably the most beneficial part of any of our conversations. Only sisters can do this and come out unscathed!
All was going well until she asked, Are the churches open there yet? And I replied that Yes, yes they are. And then as easy as that I went on to admit that though they are open, we are not attending. Hearing myself say that gave me a spiritual nudge. So, why are we not going? Are we worried about sickness? Is it the uncomfortable masks and the ensuing rash? We have this gift and yet we are not taking advantage of it? For Heaven's sake, there are people in the world who risk death every week to attend church!
I continued to dig my grave as I confessed that I've gotten used to cuddling up on the sofa with my coffee and sometimes even brunch (aghast!), watching my favorite Priest do what he does. No need to get dressed, go out in bad weather, or drive 35 minutes to church.
No need to be inconvenienced!
Whoa, light bulb moment! That just did not sound right. At all. The next word that popped into my mind was slothful, whose definition includes words like lazy, idle, indolent, work-shy, inactive, inert and sluggish. Ouch.
So now I'm beginning to think that not only has my brain become mashed potatoes, but my spiritual life may be in peril, barely alive, gasping for air. And it's not just church I've drifted away from, but how about Bible study? Prayer? Reading books that will help me grow in my relationships with God and others? And let's not even mention taking care of the temple of God.
As my sister continued on to name some of the big issues confronting the world right now, we both exclaimed, How had it gotten this way? Was there any hope? What IS wrong with this world?
And then the spiritual 2x4 hit me: I am what is wrong with the world! At such a time when Absolute Truth is being swept into the dustpan, I have been lulled to sleep, embracing quarantining as my excuse. Yes, in the beginning there were uncertainties and things that made made me fearful. And for that reason I did all I could to stay safe. But as time has passed, I have become more and comfortable in my Covid world and have not discerned it may be high time to get off the sofa and get on with life.
I don't know about you, but I have forgotten who I am. Whose I am. I have forgotten my mission and my calling. I have been immobilized way too long. I have become lazy spiritually, mentally, and physically and I can picture Satan, gleefully rubbing his hands together over his success in this. One down, out of commission!
It's time to wake up, wipe the dust from my eyes, look around, and get moving. I may not be able to do everything I could pre-Covid but I can do something!
'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you' took root in my mind.
It was at that moment that I confessed to my sister that I was convicted and I needed to change, and as I did I felt hope welling up in me for the first time in a very long time. It grieves me that I have wasted so much time, often living in self-pity and indifference. I was blind but now I see...no more excuses, no more embracing the lie of helplessness and hopelessness. It's time to say no to slothfulness and yes to living life...the life I was called to...the one He will enable me to live as I trust and follow Him through whatever lies ahead.
I confess it would be so easy to stay asleep. It's comfortable and there's no pain or confrontation or conflict. No broken hearts or hurts. I could just wrap my soft and fluffy sheets around me, curl into the fetal position, and dream my life away.
But it's not what God has called me to. I am to be His hands, His feet, and His mouth to a world that is rapidly descending into darkness. And in order to do that, I need to be awake. I do believe that someday we will give an answer for our lives, and how or if we used the gifts and talents He gave us. Lord have mercy if we neglect such a calling.
So now you know. I'm back. Still a little groggy as I wake up from a very long sleep. I covet your prayers to stay awake. I've been sleeping for almost a year now and much time has been wasted.
Like my Dad used to say, 'It's time to get up, get out of bed, get out of bed you sleepy head. Rise and Shine!'
My dad is a wise man...
photo credit: Antonio Cinotti <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/46378751@N02/50959207997">Sunrise in San Quirico d'Orcia</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>