Wednesday, November 5, 2014

All the way He leads

This morning I spent time searching for a book that would be of help to someone.

I knew it was there...somewhere.

It had once spoken healing into my life and I trusted it would do the same for another.

My fingers traveled over the spines of hundreds of books...all books I have read. 

Books I have loved. Books that have challenged me. Inspired me. Searched my soul.

I picked out several and opened their covers, consoled by their familiarity. Each took me home a time in my life that was once so important.

They were familiar friends. Unlike earthly friends that have come for a season and then disappeared, they have always been there...available…giving freely of themselves.

Warm tears suddenly filled my eyes. An unexpected catch caught in my throat.

Then the truth gently washed over me...I am the person I am now because of these books, and thousands more. Books used by the Lord to break me. Mold me. Call me home to His heart.

They fed me when I was hungry. Satisfied longings when I was thirsty. Encouraged me to go on. Go deeper. At times, not to give up.

These books are visual signposts of my life. Pointing to where I had been. Who I am now. And what I had dreamed of becoming.

Tangible. In-my-face. You-can't-miss-the-message.

And then another revelation came...somewhere along the way I had gotten busy, wandered other paths, taken the long way Home.

I had missed the message.

A wave of homesickness washed over me. I. Want. To. Go. Home.

“The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.” C.S. Lewis

I have just returned from a women’s retreat...tired, inspired, open to Him.

I cried out to hear His voice. And I did. And it called me back to a place I had been before.

Before I got distracted with so many things. Things that took up valuable time and energy. Things that filled my earthly longings but denied the spiritual quest of my soul.

Things that the world said were Good. Right. Acceptable.

But were they the best? The best use of my time? My energy? My gifts?

I am now, the sum total of all my choices.

I have wasted a lot of time.

I am no longer in the Spring or Summer seasons of my life. Fall is upon me and Winter is coming.

I need to go Home. Rest awhile in my Father's arms. Listen to His tender voice. Acquire His mind on how to live out the rest of my days. 

And then step boldly into what is to come. Empowered now by His faithfulness throughout the past. 

Because He was always with me. Always at work. And He always will be.

Maybe it’s time to get rid of my vast book gift them to someone else who needs them.

I’m not sure I am ready though. They are as a journal of my life. Maybe I’ll keep them because I need to be reminded.

Reminded of where I have come from. Who I am. But most importantly, where I am going. And Who I am going with.

I don’t want to meander through life anymore. I want to step boldly into what He has planned for me. Unafraid. Expectant. Trusting. All the way He leads me.

“And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, right up to the time of His return, developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.” Philippians 1:6

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